Lula's Grace

That is what the subject of the email from one of the pregnancy newsletters I had subscribed to before our miscarriage said when I opened it up.

"20 weeks! Congratulations...You're at the halfway mark!!"

Each week I open these updates and think...I've gotta get off this mailing list. What's gonna happen when it starts reminding me to pack my bag?

But then I look at that line again and review the last 20 weeks. I have made major transitions, I've gone back to work, I've decided to donate quite a lot of my time as an organizer to help others through charity and pushed by speaking more and more.

I also know I am letting other things completely slide. I gotta get a "working girl" system going on this house, I need to let others know I no longer can participate instead of dragging on like I can keep that plate on it's stick.

Certain things fall below the line...and all it would take is a simple confession of..."take me off the mailing list"

While I know I am working more, I am also renewed at the opportunity for tackling something new and more challenging. I know I have to watch it...not less my stress overrun my life. Not feed my anxiety addiction and people pleasing defenses to run my body and mind in the ground.

In our lesson plans at the farm, we have a measurable device for setting our rider's objectives. I kinda look at my experience with the pregnancy newsletter as a measurable device. I see how far I've come in 20 weeks. I am still broken inside, the wound is still healing and I know it's gonna leave a scar...scar's are humbling though. They keep you honest.

My favorite line in Ya Ya Sisters is when the oxygen sucking Ya Ya tells Sidda "Old wounds heal pal" with a quaint smurk.

I see those subject lines each week and I keep thinking...you're okay still. Life goes on.

As I get ready to turn 37 I notice more of the big ideas I have lately seem to carry the undertone of midlife crisis. I've been thinking about bringing my little 1970 convertible Fiat Spider home to rebuild just for putting around town to the barn and carpool. Look...I though I was cute 20 years ago in it. I'd be a mess in it today!!

Its taken me 20 years to learn how to be an adult. Now that I am one I want to take full advantage of it!!Cue Mary J. Blige "No more drama in my life..." I'm so good where I am right now but if I've learned anything you gotta be ready to keep it moving.

In many ways i am halfway there...but I know still have so much to experience and learn. After all, I'm a Thursday's child, we have far to go don't we??!!

My name is Melissa Searcy, owner of Lulagrace Organized Interiors. I have been in business since 2006, formerly in Montgomery. After working at the Montgomery Advertiser for several years and taking some time off after an automobile accident… I took the Principles of Interior Decorating class at Auburn University of Montgomery and ended up interning at Robert F. Henry Tile Company. My career began with some of the women in this very room.
Here’s what Ive learned in over 5 years of business as a professional organizer. By the way, this isn’t the run of the mill speech on how to organize your belongings by putting 4 walls around them and sort all your like items together.
Those are indeed the very things I should say because they are true but being organized comes with a bigger commitment than just a trip to IKEA for matching hangers.
　
In the same time that I’ve been building my business I’ve also become an avid equestrian. Volunteering with Montgomery Area Non-traditional Equestrians in 2007 I became a NARHA (North American Riding for Handicapped Assoc) certified therapeutic riding instructor in 2008. I had no idea where it was going to take me or why I was doing it but I decided to pursue whatever opportunities came at me. This was the only time in my life where I said I will do whatever I feel called to do. I had just read Max Lucado’s book Cure for the Common Life and had determined my life was too common.

That summer my husband and I moved to NW Alabama where I’ve continued to work as a certified Instructor. I have spent a lot of time teaching children and adults with special needs and working with horses in a natural way to promote the best behavior from a therapy horse we can get. What I’ve learned is that adults with autism and children too, don’t see social cues like we do. They don’t feel shame or guilt at calling someone fat. What you see is what you get. No hidden agendas, no propensity to lie.
　
Since our move, we’ve picked right back up with my business, lots of new commitments to church and new friends. Living in a small community you end up working at a much discounted rate because you tend to run into your clients more often. It’s very hard to charge full price to someone who sits in your church pew at the early service. So, I’ve continued to work out of town a lot.
When I go in to begin a project out of town, I normally spend 2-3 days with them getting it done. It isn’t a standing once a week appointment one hour or so. It’s hardcore, getting in the trenches type of stuff. It’s emotionally exhausting to work this intense all the time. Rapid fire therapy sessions along with the backbreaking labor.
As a professional organizer it is my job to determine the best cause of action after spending some time with a client and reading some behavioral cues. That comes from a few patterns of how someone is going to behave when you make them face fears about clearing some of their baggage. It could go well or it could go really bad. You never know what you are going to find or where that person has been for that matter. A lot of my clients have had trauma.
Clutter is merely a symptom of larger issues. Much like weight gain & compulsive shopping, clutter can become a waving flag saying “somethings wrong here”. The latin root of the word clutter is clot. It’s like a heart attack.
Many of us today lead extremely busy lives, the house tends to be the first thing that gets put on the backburner. Our sanctuary that has to function as a moving assembly line can often times take the direct hit when we mismanage our priorities.

When I began my business I was thrilled to be busy. A corporate advertising executive turned entreprenuer and new mom…I was beside myself for being able to manage to do it all. It was thrilling to juggle.
My parents have never been prouder or more concerned about my health.
In 5 years I’ve been on local news stations in Bham and Montgomery over 4 times, published in Montgomery Living, Montgomery Parents, the Advertiser, Daily Mountain Eagle, local radio segments numerous times, I’ve blogged over 500 times for national online companies. I’ve spoken nearly 30 times and have taught seminars on organizing classes at local colleges.
In addition to running Lula, I sit on 2 councils for church, teach Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University 13 weeks out of the year, coordinate and plan events two times a year for UMW, participate in women’s circle group once a month, host a staff meeting once a month where Im also the executive assistant at a local therapuetic riding center and still instruct up to 4 classes each session, I’ve also become the state chairperson for our governing body NARHA and I’m room mother for my son’s kindergarten class.
In these last 6 months I’ve also had one miscarriage, more than 10 anxiety attacks, a surgical breast biopsy, MRSA staph infections, and one lawsuit, lost a beloved dog and a cat. I’ve all but thrown in the towel. And now I’m three hours away from my family. My momma isn't able to come and help me pick up my pieces!

In those moments of panic coming on…when Im holding the shower stall wall, focusing, breathing and saying the word “forward” I think how did I get here again? It always comes down to “ I said Yes”

I know I’ve got to simplify. I do the same thing my clients do. We are people pleasers this generation of ours. We are caught between being our stay at home grandmothers/mothers and the working women portrayed in bad 80’s movies.
I can’t say no, so I take more on, I let my house suffer first because I’m never home. When I am home I’m too tired or too preoccupied with the laptop to be present with my family and chores. Being present is something I’ve been working toward and happy to say it is still an upheld new years resolution. I try each week to do better than the last. Because it’s HARD! There are a lot of distractions out there.
Having a successful business is difficult to turn your back on. But when your clients are sharing such intimate details with you the weight of their baggage can have its effect. You tend to feel responsible for complete strangers. Something I see many of my friends doing when they are approached to help someone out. We can help too much at times and we can enable those we think we are helping to actually get worse and sometimes sacrificing our own sanity. Until we get to the root of why we do this, we can’t move forward.

I have cried with a client at their kitchen table on more than one occasion at the opportunity for break through. Witnessing their forgiving and releasing fear makes them turn the corner on tossing unnecessary possessions.
Only then are they able to see the clutter for what it represents, allowing the emotions necessary to come forward and be processed.
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993

So often we mask emotions with busying our lives. We over commit, we run ourselves ragged, we “do” and when we feel like we can’t cram anymore in we do more.
There is this fear of not being enough. Of not being worthy unless we are demonstrating how multifaceted we all are. We must show that it is possible to go go go go and not suffer from it.
As a result Dr. Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection” states we are “a nation of exhausted adults raising overscheduled children.’ We are also one of the most over-medicated, addicted, in debt, obese people in the world.
We have a sickness as a nation that we focus on in Dave Ramsey of spending more to ease inadequacies, allowing others to tell us how to spend our money, fear of not measuring up and never being “somebody”.
　
Or maybe we’ve lost something, a parent, a child, or a divorce. Maybe we didn’t allow ourselves to grieve. Life happens, and if we have this cracked foundation of people pleasing we don’t rebound as quickly from the life happening part.
Our resiliency is the only thing which allows us to process healthy emotions and move on with our purpose. Knowing we are on the right path and decreasing the distractions that take us off of it.

We bargain all the time with shame and guilt. We have to accept that we are not perfect. For most of us this turns into terms like “ I thrive on chaos”. I’m a great multi-tasker!! Works well under pressure!!
Being a “perfectionist” is not necessarily a good trait to have. It is a coping mechanism just like the shopping and eating. Clutter and hoarding belongings can become a very real numbing technique. Just look at the show Hoarders.
We can even become addicted to anxiety. Usually it comes with a mis- perception that running around crazy all the time is a good thing. As Dr. Brown says
“We know it’s coming. For many of us, our first response to vulnerability and pain … is not to lean into the discomfort and feel our way through but rather to make it go away. We do that by numbing and taking the edge off the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief. We can anesthetize with a whole bunch of stuff, including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, staying busy, affairs, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change and the Internet”
In 2010 I followed Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project” I spent a year following her suggestions for boosting energy, remembering love, aiming higher. One of my favorite quotes Rubin uses in her book is by W. H. Auden who says
　
“ Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity.” We should push ourselves without fear of failure. Challenge can actually bring us happiness. Once the mind wraps itself around an idea it can never go back. We can take the bumps and move on faster when we know our natural limitations.

When we work with the horses at the barn our main goal as horseman is to decrease the amount of cues that it requires for us to make a correction to bad or unwanted behavior. A horse eats from the ground with the bit in his mouth a gentle tug up on reins redirects his attention back to you. We are fortunate when we witness a horses brain turning on and the relaxation that follows of having purpose.

My riding receives instant correction. If I am doing the wrong thing the wrong muscles will hurt as a result.
If I overcorrect my position I am thrown into the saddle horn as a reminder of how far forward I am.
I sometimes imagine that God works that way when we get off our path. When we keep trying to make something work that clearly isn’t working for us and we refuse to move on. He gives us a quick bump to nudge us back on path. To let go and move forward is something we tend to not do when it comes to what will people think if I quit that job, if I take that risk, if I speak up and say what I‘m thinking? If you notice the further you are off your path, the more correction you will receive.
We have to accept that we are imperfect, that there are some things we just are not going to be able to do, we must learn to move on without the guilt that causes us to take a step back. We have to take our personal boundaries back and regain some self respect too. Loving ourselves to accept that we are enough. Make the wrong thing difficult and the right thing easy.
　
We have to spend less time engaged with Facebook and more time face to face with our family. And until we learn to turn the cell phone off , switch off the computer we won’t truly be able to stay organized for long. We don’t limit our distractions. It’s truly about being in balance.

-"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." - former Major League baseball pitcher Vernon Law

I can come in and organize your belongings into neat and tidy containers coordinated in matching patterns and colors but unless you change your perception of balance you won’t stay that way past a year.
On the other hand you might be like me, u get organized, and find that you have more time to hear your calling more clearly. Getting caught up in the opportunities, forgetting maintenance is required to keep it all going.

When Im on my game, keeping my life in balance, moving through my house like an assembly line of stations
for getting to and from our day to day routine…I feel good. The better I feel the more aware I am of my environment. I sleep better, I ride better, I want to ride more, I forget less and Im more present with my family, I relate better with my husband and kids.
When I allow others to force me into “yes I can” instead of “no I’m sorry I can’t this week, but thanks for asking” I put all my priorities aside. Pretty soon, my family is angry because I haven’t cooked dinner and we’ve had take -out or sandwiches for the last 4 nites, the laundry backs up, I forget to vacuum and pretty soon the house needs an overhaul. I’ve learned that that is man’s natural state of correction. When we eat too much, we gain weight. When we hyper focus on time busters, our surroundings suffer because we can’t manage to efficiently get it all done in the same 24 hours we had before we overcommited.
　
Today, we have so many gadgets and sources of information coming at us at high speed. We still can’t process that information any faster than we could 100 years ago. Our brains still work at the same speed. Our blackberrys and mom agendas can only take so much before they bust at the seems.
After a recent flip out at a children’s council meeting I determined that there are just some commitments I cannot honor. If it goes against my natural abilities then I’ve gotta give it up. When everyone else is a “top-down” kind of visionary and Im the only “bottom-up” planner it’s no good for me. Most of us in this room are probably Type-A personalities and let’s just say we are in high demand. That’s a lot of pressure to keep it all together!
I use to let clients totally dictate my time, morning and night. I’ve spent many a bedtime dreading the morning because I just knew there was going to be some email ready to ruin my day in there lurking.
Tile wasn’t coming in, fabric damaged in shipping. And at 36 yrs old I’ve just learned some valuable lessons these last 5 years that have transformed how I feel about my path. I have realized nothing is permanent and we are meant to grow.

Paulo Coelho, author of the Alchemist -"Changes only happen when we go against everything we're used to doing"　
While believing there was a possibility that I might have breast cancer due to suspicious cells that had to be removed last summer and having some "Real Housewife of Walker County-hot mess" sue me because its gonna take an extra week to hang up her Louis Vutton luggage collection …I realized what was important. I just didn’t know I was only at the beginning of my “correction” cues.
　
I had in our recent move taken on too much again. See, here in Montgomery I managed up to 5 professional organizers on various jobs and after two years of moving to Jasper was still traveling across the state for work. I easily made the newspaper and local television stations again, picking up a bi- weekly radio appearance on a local radio station. I was the “go-to” person for planning and an excellent source of information. But it had all happened to quick really.
And just when I thought I had made the right decisions and knew what pulling back meant I received one last correction that would truly humble my spirit. My husband and I lost our third pregnancy in our first trimester earlier this year. I had told everyone, had even published on my blog that we were trying. I had planned everything down to the help I would sub contract out during my maternity leave!
　
But truthfully, I had really become quite complacent and was looking forward to the break.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there!
-Roy Rogers
　
In my 8th week of pregnancy, with low progesterone levels, a snow storm hit and I began losing my baby. My husband was in Atlanta, my friend and her family moved in and took care of me and my children for three days and I’ve taken myself off the radar ever since. What I learned from that experience was that Lula will never give me peace, she was a stepping stone. If she’s working she’s stressing. The business served it’s purpose to allow me to stay home while my children were small. Both are in school now and our situation has changed entirely. My business is named for my late grandmother and somehow I always thought I’d have to stay in operation forever because I couldn’t dishonor her namesake.

I love working on a therapeutic horse farm. I love my students, I love the planning, I love riding, I love being at a barn all day. I can organize volunteer information, I can plan fundraisers, I can host large field trips through our barn doors discussing our program.
I love the flexibility it offers, but I almost would have never offered to make the transition had I not been planning to take time off after a fall delivery.
Following our loss in January, I took some time off and was out feeding while it was still cold. Alone in the mornings with the horses I felt a peace. I was alone, but not thinking about what had just happened. Not trying to reason with the disappointment, it was nice to be still of mind. I stayed busy with the work of caring for 9 horses. Those horses and my students fully recharge my spirit and I feel that that is where I need to be right now in my career.

From the time I discussed accepting a promotion to Executive Assistant and taking the riding program on full time to the time my Lulagrace door sign fell off it had been two weeks. Literally, fell off my car door on I65, never once in 5 years have they fallen off!
I feel that all my experiences and talents have lead me to this point. I am perfectly fine to not deal with competition or staying ahead of the curve. I’m fine with going back underground and not being “on” all the time. It is hard to separate your personal life when your business life is on mainsteet. It can be unhealthy to be a brand. Most importantly I’ve learned how to just “be Melissa”. I recognize when something causes me discomfort and I’ve learned to trust my intuition more often. I’ve learned to let go of uncertainty and think I know what it means to dig deep. I‘ve realized that when we are living in our full joy we move more freely throughout our life. We have to give up control of those reins but it takes great courage. It’s hard to tell people No! But it’s necessary.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”
Raymond Lindquist
Today, I attempt to live a grateful life. I listen more closely to the universal cues of life’s ebbs and flows trying to be more in tune with my spirits inner current. I feel very plugged in to where I’m suppose to be. As Max Lucado says in the Cure for the ommon Life…I can live in my sweetspot.
I truly feel that the work I’m doing now is meaningful and worthy. But it took all of the experiences of walking through those baby steps, developing patience with my clients to achieve living their best life, to see that there is truly a pattern to success and happiness. Don’t’ plan! The less I plan the more favor I receive. I trust more and it works out!
We all have baggage and unresolved issues that influence how we behave. Sometimes they hold us back from living a truly authentic life. But we put these limitations on ourselves.
While trying to lesson the amount of correctional cues I get to stay on my path, I’ve learned to let go of the unnecessary to listen to the necessary directions for living MY best life.
I hope that you have learned during our time together a few basic concepts I feel are essential to living an organized life…
Learn to say no
Establish clear priorities in your life
Accept the challenges
Make time for maintenance
Release and move forward
Celebrate imperfection
Know that you are enough
Also know when to move on
Take correction
and
Try to live a joy filled life …Uncontained!